Suburban Snapshots

Sexy Is a Learned Behavior

Sunday, April 22, 2012

When the email dropped to my inbox last week asking if I'd participate in the Parents Connect Sexy Mom Bloggers month, I was still covered in sweat, sitting at my computer wearing what would be best described as spandex knickers, a sports bra and one Rollerblade. That's a story for another entry, but suffice it to say I wasn't exactly feeling it. I agreed though, because sexy doesn't come easily or naturally -- it took me 30-plus years to find it myself, and if a nerd like me can learn to strut my stuff, anyone can.

5 Tips for Feeling Sexy that You Won't Find in Some Ridiculous Cosmo Article

1. Fake it 'til you make it. You know that feeling you get when you're in a Halloween costume or dressed for an 80s party and you slip so gracefully into the persona? Find that, practice it. Make your persona an unflappable badass, then see if she sticks. Or spend time each day doing something you're awesome at, be the boss of it, feel powerful. If you're still not there, go put on that one thing you own that's kind of impractical but makes you feel like a goddamned rockstar.

2. Wear good undergarments. Bad underwear suck. They can sabotage your favorite jeans, dresses and skirts. Ill-fitting bras make lumps that bother you all day long. Treat yourself to some good ones. If you have a little extra money, go for the pricey bra and a professional fitting (yes, they kind of touch your boobs but they're practically doctors, people). Alternately, lose the underwear all together. You can't have awkward panty lines when you're not wearing any.

3. Be in your shape. I'll never be a small person, but before I lost weight I always felt uncomfortably big and unpleasantly soft. I knew my best, maintainable weight and got myself there slowly, deliberately, over several months. I'm still not a small person but I enjoy my body, even the still-squishy parts. I set a reasonable and attainable goal, and I got there and it feels really damn good.

4. Validation isn't just for parking. Everyone enjoys a compliment, and in marriages where conversations about bills, kids, and the asshole neighbors often preempt sweet talk, it's especially important to remember these little affections. It's too easy to take one another for granted, to stop really seeing our partners. Give as well as you get and if you need more, skip talking about the neighbors and ask for it. It's important.

5. Have sex (admittedly this probably would be in Cosmo but might read something like "Have 80 Mind-blowing Orgasms Tonight!"). Do it while Dora's blaring from another room, do it after date night or just before daylight, do it on whatever schedule works for you but find the time. Sometimes it feels like another to-do, I'm totally with you. But the effort pays off, you get your brain and body back in the game and the next thing you know, swerve=on.

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